More than a friend, closer to family

Just last Monday, I received some terrible news while I was at work (and trying hard to be productive). I got a text from my uncle that our dog had just died. Now, to say that I wasn’t expecting it was an understatement. In today’s millenial speak, I was simply shookt.

Our beagle had been sick for weeks now and, morbid as I may sound, I was sort of expecting he’ll be going some time soon. He’s old, he needs to rest. My heart could take it. But while I was expecting something bad, something worse happened: our other dog died. Now this dog had no fancy breed, no papers, no nothing, just vaccines (of course). But although she wasn’t “prized”, she was as irreplaceable as they come.

She was the sweetest yet fiercest dog we had. I was really attached (still am) to her since she’s the one to welcome me every night when I get home from work. She would excitedly meet me at the gate, jump up, wag her tail, and fit her head in between the grills just to playfully lick my face. When I lounge on our rocking chair at our balcony just enjoying the sight, she would cuddle up to my lap and just rest her head on my legs.

We had her for quite some time now but still not enough time. She wasn’t sick (she had been before but she always recovered). That’s why it all came as a shock when she just died. My grandma even told me she was okay that very same morning but she just died lying on the floor hours after.

I’m still at the Depression stage right now but I hope Acceptance comes soon. See you on the other side, Bukay! Here’s her picture:

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Know the feeling of losing a pet that was like family to you? Let me know in the comments how you coped with it, tips are badly needed.

Ball Pit Manila – Review

Yesterday, January 21, 2017, we went to Ball Pit Manila to celebrate my friend’s (former office mate’s) birthday. Our supposed schedule was 11:00 am to 12:00 nn. We availed a promo that allowed us to reserve/ book a slot with BPM (Ball Pit Manila) in 1 hour schedules. (More on the promo later)

Coming from Cavite (holler, South people!), we took a van from Camella and rode it towards Legazpi St. in Makati. We walked all the way to Ball Pit Manila since it was just a short (maybe) 10 mins walk (with my pace).

The building wasn’t really that hard to find but upon seeing the building, it was hard to determine whether you were at the right place. It was a relatively old building (uncommon in Makati CBD) and no signs indicated that Ball Pit Manila was inside. We had to ask the security guard (which wasn’t even dressed as one) if we were at the right place and what floor BPM was located at. Tip-Z: It’s at the second floor, the first door when you get off the elevator and head right.

When we got inside, there were a lot of people. I noticed that the place had sleeping bags and bean bag chairs on the floor to accommodate people who were waiting for their schedule or were enjoying the rest of their stay after playing in the pit. So yes, the Ball Pit was just a part of the unit. I know, I expected it to be bigger as well. But I guess it was alright since the smaller pit gave more space for their “cafe” and hangout spots.

Since we asked to move our schedule from 11am to an hour later, we asked if we could move it later still as there were a lot of people in the pit. The staff were very accommodating and friendly and arranged our schedule according to our request. We waited the time out by playing with their available games while utilizing their bean bag chairs. They have card games aplenty but we only played Exploding Kittens and Uno. I saw that they also had Monopoly Deal and Cards Against Humanity. Fun, right? 😀

When the big group in the pit left, we took their place and dived right in. I fully expected the pit to be deeper but when I tried to stand, it just went up to my waist (maybe just the legs for normal people *insert hurt laughter from me*). But the space allowed you to lay down and be fully covered. Just be careful because it takes some getting used to to stand up again.

Going to share some pictures with you now (highlights of our trip):

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Graffiti Wall at Ball Pit Manila

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With the birthday celebrant

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So happy in my natural habitat

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Coffee & Play at Ball Pit Manila

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Neck-deep in the pit

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Thank you, Ball Pit Manila! Couldn’t help but edit the photo and merge it with calligraphy ❤

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After playing in the pit

Remember how I told you that they have hangout places inside the unit as well? You can only stay for an hour in the pit but you can stay at the hangout places for as long as you want. And the best part? They have complimentary drinks for the guests after exercising and wading through the pit! That’s why they have coffee and play on their logo. Coffee or iced tea can be served for you for free!

All-in-all it was a very happy experience for every kid-at-heart like me! 😉

Here’s the breakdown of the cost:

  • #FreePass Promo for our friend who celebrated her birthday last Jan. 10: PhP 0
  • 2 paying friends for the promo (me and the boyfriend): PhP 299/ea x 2 = PhP 598
  • Fare for 2 from Cavite: PhP 70/ea x 3 = PhP 210

TOTAL COST PER PERSON: PhP 270

The promo was for January Babies and you could only avail the free pass if you would bring 2 paying friends with you. The discounted rate was PhP 299 for the 2 paying friends and it comes in 1 hour slots. Also, it comes with the complimentary drink. What are you waiting for? You still have a few days to reserve/ book a slot!

Tip-Z: I suggest you bring an extra hundred for food since they sell pastries at their cafe. As they serve a complimentary drink, you can already have a snack after playing in the pit for a very cheap amount 🙂

Pretty little young thing thinks of something

Everything eventually just withers and dies;
But that shouldn’t stop you from giving it a try.
The only thing that’s keeping you from it is fear –
Fear of rejection and feelings that are unclear.

“You have nothing to lose.”, that’s what they always say.
But you know there’ll always be something in your way.
You should know very well that this is one-sided
Still he’s got you in the palm of his hands, blinded

You must already know this guy inside and out
Because his name is what your heart will always shout
And it hurts because his shouts a different name
You know that for you he will never feel the same

Still, you keep on, because they said you have a chance
To the beat of your heart and life, you try to dance
It’s like a roller coaster ride that’s mostly fun
Because from all the pain you always try to run

When will you just accept it and when will you learn?
That hearts can’t be taught and love can never be earned
When will you get sick of the pain and the crying?
When you see him smiling and you’re left there bleeding?

Pity yourself young lady, you deserve more than this
Long for more than just a hug from him and a kiss
Save yourself of all the pity and the torture
And for your badly broken heart, you’ll find the cure

Hopeless on the verge of falling

It hurts to feel like you’ve been left by someone who never really came. Like you see the ending of a story that haven’t even started yet. It’s agonizing to wait for someone when you promised yourself from the start that you wouldn’t be waiting. It’s tough having to figure out whether he already left or he’s just taking his time to figure out whether things will work out between the two of you, but still you wait. Because you couldn’t do anything but it. Because the inevitable has happened. And whether you admit it or not, you almost fell. You thought there was something waiting down there. But really there’s just an abyss of waiting, thinking, hurting and pain. So you get a hold of yourself and muster up all your strength to keep it from falling. You don’t know how long you can keep this up but you still wait and think. Hopeless.

Uninspired

Someone once said “You can find inspiration anywhere.” But when you suddenly find it, don’t you just thirst for it every moment of the day?

Inspiration, like the all-consuming love that everyone talks about, hits you unexpectedly. It comes when you least expect it. And once you have a grasp on it, you can’t pretend like you don’t want it with you all the time. It inevitably becomes the air your breathe, the zest of life, the purpose and meaning.

Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t fall in love, did not, should not, will not. This is just something that keeps me up and about the rest of the day, makes me smile like a lunatic during the most serious situations, and lets me feel stuff I haven’t felt for a long time now. This isn’t wrong nor right, this is something not worth qualifying as such.

This is a whirlwind of emotions, a roller coaster of feelings, a wheel of our smiles. ‘Til when will we be like this? Irrelevant, but very important. I just hope that you don’t let go too soon. Because right now, I can see the inevitability of being alone, but I can’t see that being accompanied with the feeling of being alone because you are there

Keep me inspired, text me so very often. You said you’ll try your best not to leave, remember? Just keep your pinky promises and everything’s gonna be fine. Trust me. 😉

Quit playing games with my heart

My heart used to jump even only at the sight of you. I was content with looking from afar. Your presence, it made my day. Although you didn’t know me, or notice that I was staring, I felt complete just seeing you. It may sound a bit creepy (it is, to some people), but you were just so unreachable. Or so I thought.
I never believed in destiny, in fate, in coincidence and all that bullshit. But the way it happened, it was just so … unbelievable?
I was supposed to sleep then, but my phone received an SMS. As I run down the list of people who could have text-ed me at that eerie time of the night, I was surprised that it was from an unregistered number. I was past the time when there were unregistered numbers text-ing me. So I replied, and the next is history.
My point is, why do you keep popping out of nowhere during the most unexpected moments? Moments when I already made up my mind that I’m going to move on because it was just another dream that I hope will come true. That the story was that short-lived, with no climax.
Yes, I believe strongly that “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” (Paulo Coelho in The Alchemist), but why do you let me come so close then make me realize that I can’t have it? 😐 It’s so … frustrating.
Never have I gotten so kilig in my life. Or I just don’t remember the last time I felt something like this for someone. But please, please, quit playing games with my heart.

Change is easier said than done.

I’ve made a few mistakes in my life. Who hasn’t? But some more grave than others. Some have consequences that take effect later on and some I still have to live with everyday. But all of them, I learned from.

Who says they have to stay as lessons, though? I’ve wrote one too many “change” posts and vows to really stand up from my falls and move on. But have I really changed? I have, but is it for the good?

Too many questions, I have yet to find the answer. And as regrets shower upon me or will shower upon me in the future, I have only one person to blame and that is myself.

God has showered me with so many blessings and I decided to stray away from the path He has made for me to tread. Now that I realized that the only way to really induce change into my life is to go back to His words and promises, I’m at a point of realization of all my shortcomings and lapses in judgement.

However, God is a forgiving God. And His son, Jesus Christ, already died for all of our sins. The only thing we need to do is to repent and make change a daily goal, not just a thing to look forward to. We must be the change we want to see, as MJ had said.

And now that some consequences of my past mistakes are inevitable, I must learn to live amongst them and make the best out of what’s left. He still loves me unconditionally and if I just follow His will, I know He’ll get me through everything. 🙂

An ode to an old friend

I don’t know if you still want to know me, but it’s inevitable that you still remember me. After all we’ve been through, how can you forget? Oh yeah, you do that to people. But I’m not here to write about how twisted and sick you are, but I’m here to thank you.

Yes, thank you. Thank you for breaking me into pieces small enough to scatter and attach itself to every person who comes along. Thank you for making me realize that I don’t deserve the love of some people. Thank you for making me see all the wrong things in me that can’t be fixed. In short, thank you for breaking my heart beyond repair.

Maybe that’s how you become ex-friends with someone – when they hurt you so much that it’s better you revert back to strangers. Because friends don’t hurt friends – especially like that. You care for friends and make sure they don’t get hurt. When they do, you hug them and tell them it’s okay. You should never be the reason why they’re hurt.

But I guess I needed that. I needed that slap in the face. I needed breaking apart. I needed falling deep into a pit of self-distraught. Because I needed to realize that I didn’t need friends like you. Friends who’d leave eventually.

I’m up for truce, for peace, but I guess when you become strangers from friends, you never become friends again.

No matter how hard it gets

I didn’t plan on posting anything like this and on posting anything soon because I’ve decided that I need to catch up on my sleep first and rest after the tiring weekend that has passed. But since the occasion calls …

I don’t know if I’ve posted a text post with the same title before but it couldn’t be any more truer now. I don’t know what’s happening, too. It’s just that the recent events have got me feeling a little down. And I’m dragging with it the “us” that we believe in.

I think there’s nothing wrong. But it’s the way we think sometimes that’s wrong. Between the two of us, I’m supposed to be the trusting one but lately I’m doubting. And you’re supposed to be the understanding one but you can’t help but ask to be understood. There’s nothing wrong with doubting and asking to be understood, but sometimes we can do nothing about it, too.

I’m sorry if I can’t understand you sometimes, especially when you need my understanding the most. I can’t do it like you do, really. But I’m trying extra hard and doing the best I can to be strong when you’re not and you’re vulnerable and sad. Someday, maybe, I can repay all your understanding for “us” and for me. But right now, I’m still struggling.

And I’m sorry, too, if I still have doubts. It just feels like sometimes, people are conspiring against me and you’re the only one I can trust. But even if I trust you a lot, you don’t say everything that I wanna know and (I think I) need to know. But still, I trust that God will let me know everything in time, when I really need to know them – and the reasons behind.

But know this, and remember it, please: No matter how hard it gets, I’ll always be here for you. I’ll still be beside you. Nothing and no one can make me go away and keep me away. Because much more than before, I’m afraid to lose you. Even though you’re not mine.

Guard your heart

So okay. I’ve been writing a lot about how I’m going to post this eventually. And now here it is, finally. 😀

Credits to Mr. Joshua Harris for the title. And for me, it has two meanings. Aside from the meaning it has in the book, it also means my guard my ♥. Now, I don’t mean to sound selfish at all. And I’d like to explain myself further before you jump into any conclusion about this post.

I don’t mean to isolate him from anyone, or anything. In fact, I would want him to explore more and go out of his comfort zone and experience new things. But I always wish that he does it with me. Not because I’m setting a fence around him (they all tease me about it), but because I like being around him a lot. I’m just so happy with “us” that (unintentionally) I seem like I’m keeping people away from him. But I’m not. In the end, it’s still his choice. And I’m thankful that most of the time, he chooses me. #kilig

People said I shouldn’t let him go anymore and that I don’t know how I’m so lucky. But believe me, I know. I never want to let him go either! If only I ruled my life, I’d force him to stay forever. But I don’t. And neither does he. Only God knows His plans for the both of us. But I know that the Lord knows what we’re both hoping for. He knows what our hearts wish for. And if ever we’re not meant to stay long in each other’s lives, we both know that God has His divine plan, all we need to do is trust. 🙂 In the meantime, we should enjoy that He let us have mutual feelings for each other. 🙂

And why am I so lucky? Can I just tell you the reasons why I’m not? That would be a far more shorter list! Hahaha. But still. I’m thankful that he’s always ready to understand me – despite my constant mood swings, brat-ty-ness, over-thinking, misplaced jealousy, and other irritating habits and attitudes that I have. I can’t imagine how, at the most unexpected moments, he spoils me too much and ends up being too sweet that I almost can’t sleep at night just thinking about the happenings of the day. He’s thoughtful enough that I know he’s doing his best even when I demand so much more. He takes me to that happy place where I’d always like to stay but can’t because it’s my refuge from everything that’s stressful and sad and lonely. That happy place’s beside him, leaning on his shoulder and feeling his head lean on mine. When he looks at me with those burning eyes, I don’t feel small and scrutinized. Instead, it feels as if I’m the prettiest girl in the world. Even if I have no make-up on, or I’ve only gotten a few hours of sleep, or my hair’s everything but orderly. And oh, I love how he winks at me from afar and give me butterflies in every part of my body. 😉 There’s still a lot more I could say but this is getting too long he might not read it ‘till the end. 😀

Pero heart, gusto ko lang mag-thank you kasi you’re everything I ever wanted and more. Marami pa din akong kinakatakot pero I feel na with you, I’m safe. I’m fine. I’m happy. Extra super happy. 🙂 Yes, I’ve had my share of heartaches and heartbreaks in the past, and that’s the main reason why I don’t wanna rush into anything just yet (again). Pero siguro, with you, it’ll be worth it. Alam ko naman na sino lalapitan ko if, in case, (kahit sobrang malabo), you do hurt me. Hindi ko ‘to sinulat para i-grant mo ung request ko. Sinulat ko ‘to kasi gusto ko. Walang pakilamanan. 😛